Hundred of phone calls I never answered. Half of a thousand text messages I never replied. Nine events I never attended for at least 822 hours. The reason? I’m just being busy listening to the rhythmic sound of silence and staring at the glittering light of darkness.
Summer have passed for several days but warmth is still since this is a tropical place. In the morning, the sun shines so brightly that makes today a perfect time to begin a life with. Beside me is a woman holding some Sampaguitas and white Roses. It’s getting crowded and the people are staring while some are laughing at me. Why? I covered myself with something I should have wear during my college graduation but it never happened. I should be in the midst of gaiety right now since I’m one step to my dreams but I turned back and embrace the domestic nightmare that comes to me one day. Then I heard something that causes me deja vu.
Feels like I was struck by a pointed arrow. I can feel the numbness of my fingers.
My body’s trembling.
Sore eyes began to water.
This guilt is a poison slowly devouring my flesh, bones and soul. It’s killing me alive. I began to shake my head with my skinny hands. My heart beats faster like a field runner close to the finish line.
The train is getting nearer. I can hear the scraping sound of metals as my heart being stab by shears on a hundred times. I can hear the shrieking voices on my mind. By that, I closed my eyes tightly.
‘Was it really my fault?’
‘But I was neglectful.’
‘I already decimate my life. It was enough.’
I closed my eyes tighter for all the thoughts that are coming like raging storms.
Sooner the train will be closer.
‘Should I do this?’
‘Yes! It’s your fault–‘ ‘No! You should go back and fix your life.’
“Yes that’s right–“
Screeching of metals are deafening. Then I heard nothing. I rolled my eye balls and I can’t see my body. People’s mouth are open, maybe they are screaming soundlessly. Am I…a cadaver now? Might be. I brought chaos, like what I accidentally did before.
From my blurry vision I could see that people are panicking except for one. A girl seating in a wheel chair. She lose her legs, looking intently to me. Her eyes are peeling me alive. I can’t read her emotions. She looks naive–wait, no familiar!
I think I know her.
I know her…
I know her!
Now I can feel my body slowly withdrawing from reality. I can see the stars dropping above my head. I can feel my soul withdrawing from this hapless life.
Yes, I know her. She didn’t die as I thought? Good for her, unlike me who slowly filled with darkness. Maybe death will come sooner.