He came on a Monday morning, on the first morning of rain in months, he came looking for the lord, to spread the word, he didn’t really look like he was sent by anybody. He looked like he sent himself, as if every word he said was his, and his alone. His words forged perfectly with his body language. I found myself looking in the mirror last night, lifting my hand, lowering it then lifting it again. He spoke to the crowds with that voice, that made everyone stand still. Lifting his hands, then lowering them again, while looking back out at the crowd. The crowd looking back at him, waiting for an answer, one that never really seemed to come, but one they were sure he had. Eventually, as weeks passed, then months, he told us of the importance of our women. That our women were the key to eternal life, and the more life from him that spread through the lands of the lord would sew the seeds, and set the foundations for gods work.
After one particular evening some of the men began to complain, giving other men the courage to speak up. Most didn’t like the idea of sharing their wife with another man, some walked out, some were able to take their wives with them, but after a few tense days and much talk, the sharpness of the gripe subsided, somebody mentioning sacrifices, others repeating the word sacrifices days later, until the word reverberated and washed our minds of all revolt. Almost two weeks to the day since the first men left with their women, there were no more complaints about the handing over the wives to the messenger, it was all in the name of sacrifice. As time passes other problems arise with the construction of the new village, with an outhouse built at the end of every properties acreage, for the leader to visit our wives, not every day, but at least once a week we’re told. Other problems occur with planning, with plumbing, it distracts us from the problem of sharing our women.
Cassie asks me if I’m tired, I tell her I’m fine, you were talking in your sleep she said, mumbling about bastards and thieves. She held my hand and stroked up and down my arm, the way she always does, it relaxes me. She knows what’s wrong, but doesn’t mention it, just says its in the hands of the lord.
Today is the warmest day of the year, we lift the timber frames in teams, although we work hard the day is enjoyable, it keeps us from thinking about the proposition. But by the end of the day we feel anxious again, as we’re left unburdened with physical labour, only to be burdened again with ourselves and our own thoughts. Smoking as much tobacco as we could, as the ban would come into effect next week. And after tobacco it would be soda he said, then tea, then coffee. The thoughts of it all, made me smoke more, I even took out a bottle of whiskey I had behind the wardrobe. It felt like poison going down my throat at first swallow, but after the second drink I felt calm, I felt happy, and the troubles that plagued me seemed irrelevant for the meantime. I keep drinking, I feel like singing loud as I put on a Discman, silently in the basement. I stop myself, I hum silently, but in my head, not a real hum, just in case, anyone hears me, you know what they say about music, and especially liquor. I tap away an invisible hum for hours, until sleep takes me, without knowing.
The morning comes in different stages, I hear each one but can’t seem to get myself conscious. Just noises, of people moving about, some voices ask where I am, others reply they don’t know. Eventually I can move, and I lift myself from the abyss of an almighty hangover, I knock over things, jars, tools but Its dark and I’m not exactly sure where I am yet. As I get to the door by palming the walls, I open it, then I’m hit, with a blinding light. The voices that were distant are closer, calling, guiding me. As the light becomes easier to handle, eventually becoming figures and faces that move. Peace be with you brother Cane a voice says, when I finally focus, my eyes confirm what my ears hinted, the leader was sitting, beside Cassie, too close, to Cassie, his eyes looked ahead, toward me, while hers looked toward the ground. Good of you to join us Brother Cane he said, I nodded, good morning I said, I didn’t call him leader, but his expression didn’t seem to care.
I was just telling sister Cassandra that the arrangement will begin this week, he said it with a smile, like it meant nothing, Cassie is still looking toward the ground. But the leader keeps talking, head raised, eyes focused, he speaks casually but with a force behind it, one that only comes through when you ruminate more on what he was actually saying. The men will be starting on the out house tomorrow evening, just down back, I just wanted to run it by you before we start. He smiled, I looked at him, as if contemplating, then looked back at Cassie, whose eyes were still searching the floor. Four men came behind him, I recognised Gus and Henry, then coming out of the shade, I see big Jim Rogers and Dan Larkin away behind, neither seemed keen on the wife idea, but grudgingly accepted it as part of the lords plan. In the meantime Cassie here will be staying at my quarters tonight, the Lords work must begin at once he said with a serious expression.
There was a silence for a moment as I gathered my thoughts, whatever calm and tact I had was on the verge of exploding into smithereens, Cassie looked up, she could see it too, she could taste it in the air, as could I. Like the time I laid out big Jim Rogers for accusing me of hunting on his land, or the fisty cuffs with Dan Larkin over the kids getting hit with a slingshot by one of his boys. Larkin hasn’t said hello since, nor even looked at me.
I know he’s been with Rogers wife already, I can tell, I don’t know how, its as if Rogers has lost something in his stride, as if a part of his confidence, or his ego has been surgically removed. And that the leader has implanted some of that lost ego onto himself, the more wives conquered, the more power he felt. Leaving Rogers, almost like a shell of his past self. The leader, waited, patiently for my response, with that smile that bordered on snidey, the one that didn’t quite master authenticity yet. Then the words came, she wont be going anywhere tonight, not with anybody, not ever. A silence filled the room, I could feel it, as if the silence was a person sitting in the space between us, quietly waiting, contemplating. I look toward Cassie, completely still, her eyes don’t look up, but I can tell inside herself is screaming through the silence. I look toward the leader, he isn’t smiling any more, then toward Gus and Henry who seem unperturbed by me or even the change in demeanour of the leader.
And for a moment I seem to sense a weakness in the air. It isn’t a request the leader said. It’s how it will be. I keep feeling a weakness though, as if something has changed. I catch Dan Larkin’s eye, its the first time we’ve made eye contact in years, but there seems to be no malice his his expression, only empathy. I was done with words, I didn’t care any more, the hangover was kicking in, the type I felt years ago when the drink, was a regular thing, when pleasure wasn’t something you suppressed. I walk toward him, his eyes open wide, I punch him, then again, a punch that seemed to come from years ago, when punches weren’t something you suppressed, again, and again, direct, controlled, full of anger, suffering, as if I’d being punching everyday of my life. Punches I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of. The blows raining down, the leader lost, his eyes pleading for mercy from a lord that wasn’t listening. The leader, a warrior with words, a man that could configure speech to take him to great heights, but fighting, fighting was were the leader had no witty retort or bible verse, when it came to fighting, the leader was nothing.
I look back toward Gus and Henry, they look back at a man with fists and a face full of of another man’s blood. I see in their expression a mix of fear and satisfaction, I keep punching. After a while I stop with uncertainty, looking back at Cassie, stop Robert, please stop she said.
Her eyes pleading with me, with love, no longer looking away, toward the floor, just toward me, lovingly, pleading for me to be a good man. The four men, behind me, stood quietly, there was a guilt in their silence, an embarrassment in their stance as they looked back at me and my bloodied face. I nodded, an exhausted nod, and they nodded back in unison.
The village see the leader leave on a wheelbarrow, Gus and Henry trail behind me, there are gasps but nobody seems to protest, a crumpled bloodied body whimpers untranslatable instructions towards parishioners we pass by. But no one protests, some even clap, some give a sigh of relief, some women smiled, not with their mouths but with their eyes as I pass each driveway of each house, with the man who promised us everything but left us with nothing but doubts. I finally stop the wheelbarrow at the edge of the town, from the same direction he first came, since that day it rained, what seemed like years ago now.
I tip over the barrow, he flops out like a still born calf, there is no mumbling, just the heavy breathing of a broken man. I bend down and whisper in his ear the words “come back again, and I’ll break the sixth commandment”. I lift myself up, and walk back toward the village, leaving the barrow where it lay, dusk approaching, Gus and Henry following behind me, without saying a word, my head is clear now, and I’ve completely forgotten I have a hangover.
As I pass the driveways on my way back, the men nod and the women smile with their eyes. I hear a voice say peace be with you brother Cane, then another. I keep walking, mumbling peace be with you in reply.
I read from the scriptures, my hand rising and falling, Cassie is smiling, her head held high, the crowd listen to me, they seem to hang on every word I say, when I give the weekly lament on how we can improve ourselves, even if its just a little bit, once we move forward, let the boulder move for the lord, let it come to you, and not you to the boulder. That the river of the lord can make the bolder weightless. And the river can be unstoppable, like the lord. I smile toward the crowd, they clap, some stand until the whole congregation is on their feet, clapping, a continuous stream applause, non stop, like the river, like the lord. Cassie smiles, so does the wife of Dan Rogers, but she smiles with her eyes instead. I look out on the crowd, lifting my hand in triumph, then letting it slowly fall again.
DoubleSpeak 