Polly watched as Alex measured eight spoonfuls of Max Strength Protein Powder – specially formulated to aid muscle growth, reduce fat and help build a chiselled physique – into the blender, followed by two egg yolks, an avocado and assorted other magic ingredients.
He looked over at her and smiled as the machine blasted them into a brown gloop. Turning his attention back to the potion, he poured it into a glass and swallowed the lot, smacking his lips in satisfaction.
“It’s nice that,” he said. “They add a chocolatey flavour to make it go down easier. A lot of these products do you good, but taste awful.”
He walked to the sink and rinsed out the glass.
“Right, I’m off to the gym,” he smiled. “See you in a couple of hours. I’ll clean the blender when I get back.”
“Sure, you will,” Polly smiled as he kissed her briefly on the cheek as he headed towards the door. “Except I need to use it making dinner.”
“Oh sorry,” he pulled an apologetic grimace, “It’s just…”
“Go,” she interrupted. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Thanks,” he paused. “What’s…”
“Fish,” she smiled, “Now get out, and don’t be late back.
Alex attacked the equipment. Putting up big reps on the dumb bells, the leg press and the resistance bands. And he worked till he dropped on the power rack. Piling on extra weight until he could take no more and squatted on the floor panting.
“Good workout. Seeing the results?”
Alex looked up to see a familiar face above him, and smiled ruefully. “Not as much as I’d like,” he admitted.
“It’s as much about nutrition, the stage you’re at,” the man added. “You need the supplements, the protein powders and what have you.”
Alex nodded. “Yeah, I’ve started on that. No definition yet, but I’ll stay on it.”
The man nodded. “Can take time. Make sure you’re taking what’s right for you. I can help if you like.”
“Can you?” Alex hauled himself to his feet and stuck out his hand to introduce himself.
“Maurice,” the man gripped him briefly then let go. “I’ve got some cards in the locker. I’ll get you one before you go and we can have a proper chat.”
“Sounds good,” Alex replied.
Singing along to some of her favourite songs by Meatloaf, Polly dropped the basil, garlic, chillis, lemon juice and pine nuts into the blender and let the machine do its work blasting it into a smooth pesto paste. Then she took out half and added a few spoons from Alex’s other tin of flavourless protein powder, and zapped it some more.
Then she smeared the paste over cod loins, prepared a salad and a few new potatoes and picked up A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole while she waited for Alex to return.
“That was delicious,” Alex said swallowing the last piece of fish and grinning at his girlfriend. “What was in the green stuff?”
“Green stuff?” Polly arched an eyebrow, “the pesto, you mean?”
Alex grinned, “Pesto, pasto, whatever, it tasted great. What was in it?”
Polly reeled off the ingredients, “not forgetting a couple of spoons of your powder in your share. Not mine, I’m happy just the way I am.”
“So you should be,” Alex replied, “You’re lovely.”
He paused, “And I just want to be good enough to deserve you.”
Polly eyed the 6ft 2ins blond, blue-eyed man sitting opposite her. Briefly she admired the creases around his eyes and mouth as he smiled, and she laughed. “You are more than good enough; don’t be silly.”
“I will be,” Alex replied watching her eat the last potato, “I met this bloke at the gym today and he’s going to help me.”
“I don't know why I just can’t seem to lose any weight. In fact, I’ve put on a couple of kilos this month,” Alex ruefully pinched his waist and looked at Jack. “I’ve followed your regime to the letter.”
Maurice took Alex’s workout diary from his hands and studied it for a few seconds, before handing it back and picking up his food diary.
“And you say you’ve followed both of these exactly?” he studied Alex closely, “no cheating?”
Alex shook his head. “Nothing. I’d love a pint, but I haven’t broken the diet or the exercise in a month.”
“Why are you going to the doctor,” Polly asked as she added half a dozen teaspoons of Alex’s protein supplement to the white sauce on his grilled fish.
“It was Maurice’s idea,” Alex watched her carefully as she cooked. “You have been following the meal plans, haven’t you?”
Polly wheeled round from the oven. “Yes, I’ve been following the bloody meal plans,” she hissed. “Perhaps if you picked up a wooden spoon from time to time, I could have a night off from following your bloody meal plans. It’s not easy cooking two different things every night, you know?”
Alex backtracked quickly. “Sorry, sorry. I’m grateful, really I am. It’s just I don’t understand why I’m not losing weight.”
Polly took him in her arms. “You know I prefer you like this?” she whispered in his ear. “I like something to hold on to.” She stepped away from him for a second and turned off the oven. Taking his hand, she led him out of the kitchen, “Let me show you just how much I prefer you this way.”
Polly looked up from the Jack Black movie she had been enjoying as Alex got home.
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” he muttered disconsolately in answer to Polly’s unspoken enquiry. “The doctor says I’m in good shape. She didn’t even think I should lose weight, said I was in the acceptable limits.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?” Polly replied, “You’ve been worrying about nothing.”
“Acceptable limits for who? I want to be gym fit.”
“And if I like you just how you are?”
Alex glared at her for a second, “You’ll like me better when I’m ripped,” he said before leaving the room. “I’m going for a run,” he called out a couple of minutes later, letting the front door bang closed behind him.
“I won’t you know,” Polly muttered as she turned back to Jack Black, “I definitely won’t.”
“It’s sugar,” Maurice looked at Alex and nodded. “Both tubs, sugar.”
Alex stormed into the house and slammed both tubs on the kitchen table.
Polly turned from the stove and saw the anger on his face.
“How could you?” he raged, “How could you?”
Polly gazed into his eyes and steadied her breathing. She thought about lying and denying or joking, but didn’t.
“I told you I like you just the way you are.”
“But, but, it’s my body,” he shook his head. “It’s a betrayal, Polly. And it’s the end. I’m leaving.”
She stirred the Bolognese sauce as he stormed upstairs, tasting every now and then adding a little salt and red chilli to give it a kick. She flinched as the door slammed after Alex called out ‘I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff in a couple of days’, then poured the sauce over spaghetti, grated some Parmesan on top and, moving the giant tubs of not-protein out of the way, sat down to eat.
Maurice eyed Alex approvingly as he walked out of the shower.
“Looking good, my man,” he exclaimed as Alex reached for a towel.
It was true Alex boasted the prized ‘inverted triangle’, broad shoulders, narrow waist and low body fat. According to research, the male body shape preferred by women. Although the actual research is difficult to find, and a lot of the men possessing this enviable physique spend far too much time in the gym to have any time for wives or girlfriends.
“What are you now?” Maurice asked running his eyes over Alex’s taut, defined stomach
Alex recited the figures.
“Six per cent fat,” Maurice repeated admiringly.
“Thank you,” Alex replied, wiping away a tear.
“Who can that be?” Polly disentangled herself, hauled herself off the sofa, buttoned up her shirt and went to answer the door.
“I just had to see you,” Alex burst through and faced her in the tiny hall separating the kitchen from the living room. “I miss you, Polly. I’m sorry about what I said, really I am. Can we try again?”
Polly looked her old boyfriend up and down and then nodded towards the man reaching for a bowl of crips on the coffee table.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” she said, “I just don’t fancy you anymore.”
DoubleSpeak 