you may hate me,

but i am the rainbow

of my grandmother's heart;

animals love me, 

babies babble and giggle

in my presence,

and people feel comfortable

telling me their life stories—

i don't know what happened,

why we're so fractured

apart?

the only thing i know is i

loved you,

a part of me loves you still;

but i know if we ever speak again

it will not be the same—

and i won't put myself through that

i don't want lukewarm friendships 

because i am someone who gives her

all to those whom she loves,

i won't be loved partially

or only in your time of need;

i need to be loved wholly.

they'll never tame my fire

i'm fat

not ugly,

and i may not be

your cup of tea

but i am a vodka lime;

and i don't care

if you don't like me

any longer—

used to be a people pleaser

but people are never

pleased,

and i am tired of anticipating

the needs of people who never

once in their lives have

considered me;

so i am forging my own path—

i know not everyone understands

me or my journey,

but it's my path to walk;

people only throw rocks and darkness

to make people who shine dim their

light but they'll never tame my

fire—

i am the phoenix always rising from 

the ashes, all the more strong.

you want the dream of me

i am more than my wounds,

but i will not lie and say

they do not still hurt;

often the past can shape us

to be more cautious—

far too many people

have promised me forever

who have given me

nothing,

so please prove to me

forever can last;

show me that you will stay—

i am tired of everyone

walking away,

i am tired of trying to figure

what is wrong with me

or where i went wrong;

because sometimes i think

people just want the dream of me

not the reality—

and while it may be their loss,

it always also wounds me.