i'm taking up space

i became so good

at making myself small,

it became an artform;

but i am no longer

shrinking myself—

i am going to take up

space 

because i deserve to be

my full, authentic self;

and i don't care if people

don't like it because

i'm not exactly a fan 

of anyone who expects me

to remain small for their

comfort—

i am going to be myself

because there's no one else

i can be nor is there

anyone else i want to be,

when i was younger;

i wished to be anyone but me—

and then i had the epiphany

that i was beautiful because

if i weren't then they wouldn't

try to so hard to humble me

or put me in my place,

and then i became comfortable

in my own skin;

but i was still people pleasing

those days are gone—

i'm taking up space. 

haunted & hunted 

i am a museum

of everything

and everyone i have

ever loved,

still can remember 

details about people who

couldn't tell you my

birthday let alone the titles

of any of my books;

funny how some people

have the trauma that makes

you forget because

mine is the type that remembers

every scar—

& i think how tender the release

must be for those who can let go,

for those who aren't haunted

and hunted by living

ghosts dancing in their memories.

will not apologize 

i always wear my actual face

as everyone parades around

in masks,

perhaps that's why this

reality tortures me;

i am authentic in a world

that is fake, 

dripping with illusions and delusions—

i believe in magic and the power

of my dreams,

have found divinity in the 

eyes of a red fox;

in the cries of a crow—

found heaven in the forest where

sunlight danced through yellow

and crimson leaves with a scent 

so sweet—

hell has always been trying to fit

into the box they said was mine,

so i broke out of it

deciding i would take up space

instead and i will not

apologize.