wailing wind

i try to connect,

but few bids

ever seem to garner

connection;

i am here feeling 

alone as ever—

loneliness is long,

heavy, and empty;

makes you wonder what

you did to end up this

way or if you were always

doomed to be alone—

i reach out only 

to be ignored or taken

for granted,

makes it harder for me

to speak;

all i've ever wanted was

for someone to care,

someone to love me as i need

to be loved not as they thought

i needed to be loved—

yet all i got was the wailing

of the angry wind yelling

in my ears.

if you truly care

 

i crucified myself once

for the sake of 

having friends,

didn't realize until too late

they were making a 

mockery of me;

i wanted so badly to be

loved that i took those

scraps thinking that they were

prime cuts of meat—

as i laid there bleeding

they all danced together

with flower crowns,

making it all too clear that i 

wasn't welcome;

and ever since then it is hard

for me to trust the intentions of others—

if you truly care, i'll need you to

affirm you appreciate me and all of 

my magic not just the spells and songs

that benefit you.

the laughing girl

 

i've been alone

even in a crowded room

a flower

without an audience

to appreciate her

beauty,

and i wish i could say

it didn't bother me but it does;

was i born simply

to suffer this song of loneliness

and longing and desire?

the weight of silence

can be so heavy,

it's not always comfortable, golden, or kind;

sometimes it just hurts—

and sometimes it just reminds me

i've always been an outsider

looking hungrily in,

wishing i was sitting beside the

laughing girl; 

sharing in a joke that wasn't made

at my expense.