we are somewhere else, silently dying

nine years old when the house

beyond the back yard fence

catches fire

babysitter pulls you closer,

shivers,

puts your hand between her breasts,

tells you it’s okay to touch them

if it makes you feel better

tells you it’s okay to have secrets,

but this feels like

something you already knew

feels like a truth rising up

to swallow you whole

the rest of your life spent

learning to forget whatever it

was that came before

well, there’s nothing else i can do

25 forever until

the day you wake up old,

and so fuck forgiveness

           fuck sympathy

yr heart gets broken,

breaks others in return

yr towers crumble

whatever direction you

walk in is always the one

that will only ever

take you further away

or so you say

like some greylight jesus christ

like creating art from

piss and blood

upstate, winter, year of the plague

baby is born healthy but

the mother overdoses

paint a perfect circle around the

crib, another ‘round the grave

let hope be a

sword that cuts both ways

no way we get out of this world

without causing each other

a whole lot of pain