“Uhm, she goes back to work today da. So that’s why I decided to arrive two days early,” I said as I switched the phone to speaker so that I could whisk the eggs.
“So you've decided to babysit while she’s working towards her promotion, huh? Great work, da. Wish you all the best.” He sniggered on the other end.
It threw me off guard. I did not expect switching to speaker at that inopportune moment would turn out to be a pain in the neck.
“They are my kids too, you know. I am not a hired help. I want to take over for a while since she can’t be around much now,” I whispered. Veena’s eyes lingered on the phone. I hastened the conversation and disconnected the call after sensing anger from the eyes that used to shower love. Thankfully, the toaster popped at that moment. I transferred the bread onto a plate, scooped up the scrambled egg, and lined it neatly at the side while Veena pulled up a onesie on Surya.
“Akash can be such a moron at times.” I tried to diffuse the awkwardness with a laugh while taking the diaper that Veena had in her hand. I strode over to the other cot and smiled at Nila but, she kept a straight face. Unlike Surya, this one will grow up to be a rebel. I just know it.
I tried to slide the diaper under her, and she kicked it. The more I tried, the more she resisted. Veena shot a stern glance at me and huffed. She must have lost her patience because she stuffed her mouth with the rest of the breakfast and snatched the diaper from me. But when she did it, Nila seemed to cooperate. She did the job with such ease.
“I didn't know that you have to hold her by the ankles,” I said.
“Just common sense, you know.”
Unexpectedly, amma’s voice came from the other room. “Change diaper. Feed them milk and wipe their bums. For this, you left a well-paying job in Dubai. You know how many are dying to go there every day? Stupid fellow. Wants to change diaper, it seems.”
“Don’t mind, amma. I’ll take care of the babies,” I said to Veena in a hushed tone.
Pursing her lips, Veena said, “First, take care of her, then you can take care of the babies.”
She swiftly grabbed the keys and shut the door behind her. Suddenly, I felt like a child abandoned at a fair – didn’t know where to go or what to do.
I walked into the kitchen to clean up. I found the morning chores to be the easy part. But putting the kids to sleep was not amateur-friendly. It took a lot of rocking and singing in a bad voice. Seven songs later, I laid them on their cot and tiptoed to get my laptop. I set it on the newly installed wall-mounted desk and began my work. Thanks to an up-and-coming startup I had a job that paid. Though the pay was not great, it gave me the satisfaction that I was doing something worthwhile, and the best part was I could work from home.
An hour later, the blaring sound of the Pomodoro clock snapped me out of my work mode. I now have a ten-minute break. The design I was working on did not turn out the way I wanted. A little walk might help me clear my mind.
I began to stroll around the house when I noticed the spare closet in our bedroom was shut while the other doors were ajar- the way Veena tends to leave them. I tugged and pulled on the handle, but the door didn’t give way. I looked around for a key but couldn’t find anything, so I yanked at the door, and it flung open.
It was a spare closet, but Veena tends to put stuff that didn’t fit anywhere into this one. A few knick-knacks, the babies’ newborn stuff that we don’t need anymore, the things meant for donation, and doohickeys all coexisted peacefully. Should I organize it, or just be okay with the chaos was the conundrum. I bent down to put back the things that fell off the closet when a pink envelope caught my attention.
#
The sun was all prepared to go into hiding, spreading its orange rays into the darkest corners of the house when I carried some ginger tea, my peace offering, to amma who was reading a newspaper on the portico.
“Did not know you can make tea,” amma said with a glint in her eye.
“Who did you think waited on me hand and foot in Dubai?” I laughed. “I know how to cook, in fact, very well, ma. I make badass lamb chops by the way.”
“But taking care of children is very different from cooking. Your father never did anything around the house and I never let him. That was how I ran the house. But now…”
“That’s 1923 and this is 2023.” I winked.
She rolled up the newspaper and smacked my back with it. “According to your math, you are 97, you know,” she said and giggled.
“For your information, ma, I fed the babies, changed their diapers thrice, freshened them up for the evening, and nearly finished the work on a client’s website,” I said raising my collar.
“Really?!” Her tone immediately changed. “But did you have to leave your job for this da kanna?” she asked with concern.
I knelt before her and held her warm hands, “Amma, I know you feel bad, but trust me, something better will come along. Right now, my priorities are different. That’s all.”
At that moment, Veena sped past us, oblivious to her surroundings. She was going through the mail when I entered the doorway.
“How did this get here?” she asked with a quiver in her voice.
“Why?”
“Did you go snooping around the house, Sundhar? Is that what you did all day?”
Amma peeked through the corner of the entrance and said, “How can you say this? Do you know…”
Veena gestured to her to stop. “Amma, please, do not come between us. Can you please wait while we sort this out?” Then she spun around to face me.
Shocked that she spoke to amma that way, I exclaimed “Veena?”
“Tell me now. Did you snoop around?”
“Why wasn’t this where all our mail is? Why was this hidden away in the spare closet?” I looked into her eyes.
“Because I felt it wasn’t that important. I wasn’t going to go.”
“I think the last time you saw Praniti and Bidhu was at the five-year reunion party. Don’t you want to catch up?”
“I can’t-” Her voice broke down.
“Why?”
Hesitating for a few seconds, she said the words that tasted bitter, “What if anyone asks me about you and your job?”
I stood dumbstruck. Then I took a deep breath and asked, “Are you ashamed of me, Veena?”
“No! But…”
The phone pinged a reminder, and I walked over to the kitchen, to warm up some milk for the twins. Veena’s footsteps followed me.
“Where are-”
“In their playpen.”
“Mmm.” Veena dug her finger into the door frame and an awkward silence prevailed. “I just didn’t know what to say if anyone asked. Doesn’t mean anything. Some of them are kinda judgmental…”
“I’m not out of a job, Veena. I work from home. This was a joint decision made by us for the family. Did you forget? I know you can’t take more time away from your job so I’m happy to take care of the kids for a while. Who are they to judge us for the decisions WE make for OUR family? Nothing is set in stone; I can always go back. We all can relocate if you want. Anything can happen. If people want to talk, they can have all the fun they want. But I am not questioning my decisions just because people find them unpleasant. That sounds insane,” I said swallowing my displeasure.
I handed Veena a bottle and gestured for her to feed Surya as I moved over to the children’s playpen. I lifted Nila and as she settled on my lap, I gave her a bottle. At that moment, I felt a gaze peripherally and I looked at Veena. There was something in that gaze, more powerful than a magnetic pull that made me blush. I smiled and quickly looked away, just as I used to in the days we were in love.
DoubleSpeak 